Today, after a friend sent me an old article from The Kernel in which now-resigned Breitbart hot-take artiste Milo Yiannopoulos wrote that he ranked his friends by income, IQ, and attractiveness, I got to wondering: Are there any friends Milo stays in touch with distantly? Any that can stand him after placed on such a list? Perhaps one he’s kept track of long-distance, only by phone?
Wouldn’t you know it, I came upon a copy of a call transcript soon after. Isn’t the internet amazing? Age of information is incredible, folks. I’ve attached it below, in full:
Old Friend: Hello there, Milo! How are you doing there, old sport!
M: Well, I’ve seen better days.
OF: Oh? Do tell.
M: Yes yes, well, that was true then. I’m afraid now there’s been a highly-funded effort to defame me.
F: Oh my. What’d have they said about you?
M: Well, they’ve been saying I defended pedophilia.
OF: That’s slander! You’re no pederast. Why are you resigning?! You should be filing suit immediately!
M: Heh. Well, you see, what had happened was.. there was a video where I didn’t quite represent my views properly.
OF: Wait. You mean… you actually DID defend pedophilia?
M: No no no, of course not!
M: I just said that I don’t believe the legal age of consent is justifiable or desirable.
OF: Wait wait wait wait wait…
M: And I said we tend to get hung up on this child abuse stuff and the oppressive idea of consent.
M: Are you there?
OF: I mean, I’m here, but I’m fucking gobsmacked. Why did you say all this?
M: Well, it’s not a defense of pedophilia, per se. It’s more a defense of ephebphilia and perhaps hebephilia.
OF: But aren’t those, respectively, sexual attraction to teens ages 15 to 19 and children ages 11 to 14?
OF: Listen Milo. I… I gotta get going. You, uh.. you.. We’ll talk.
M: I’ll be going on tour again soon, if you’d care to grab lunch! You can meet me at a local college campus.
M: Hello? Are you there?